ending

my wife and i have talked and decided to get a divorce.  this week has been very difficult for me.  actually, this past year has been difficult.  This has been all my fault though.  While I have tried to make it work and did not cheat on her this past year, the damage was already done and cannot be undone.  She hates that I converted because of talking to another woman online.  It's understandable.  I feel very depressed right now.  Sometimes I think life would be a lot easier if I wasnt here anymore.  At least I wouldnt be hurting anyone anymore.
Dont feel much like writing anymore.

dhikr

of course, i go to do asr and since i just blogged about it, i end up leading salat.  just me and one other so not too bad.  the room is separated by a curtain for men and women.  when i lead, i am always nervous the women are behind the curtail laughing their heads off at the my awful arabic.  oh well.

i really like to do dhikr when i can.  i feel moved when i do it.  dont know why but it has meaning for me.

prayer room

at work, we have a muslim prayer room.  alhamdullilah, i love to go there for dhuhur and asr.  i feel connected to the other brothers while we are doing salat even though we all work in different departments and I dont really know them.  i occassionally feel a little out of place before and after salat because most speak arabic fluently.  a few times i was asked to lead but i feel really uncomfortable because i feel that my pronounciation is horrible, even just saying 'allahu akbar'. oh well, insha allah, one day i will know arabic and feel comfortable leading and even talking.